Salvation
by Kasigi Omi
Summary: Gundam Wing. A view of Quatre and Trowa's relationship. Shounen ai.


Salvation 

Salvation 

I leaned back against the brick wall, letting the sunlight bathe me in its warm light. Being a Gundam pilot prevented me from having much spare time, and my job at the circus ate up the little I did have, but today I was totally free. No performances, no missions, just a day to relax, and I intended to enjoy it thoroughly. 

The sweet scent of roses drifted by on the lazy spring breeze as wind chimes sang their soothing melody. A nearby fountain added the quiet trickling of water to the sounds of nature around me. I sighed contentedly and stretched out more on the warm stone bench. Quatre's garden was such a peaceful place. 

Instantly I regretted my thought. Every time I thought of Quatre, I felt something twist painfully inside my chest, and it had only gotten worse since we had all moved into Quatre's sprawling home. I frowned, but only inwardly. I had been too well trained to let my discomfort show on my face, but I could feel it inside. 

Quatre, the sweet golden haired angel who somehow remained so innocent despite all he had been through. The soul of the five pilots. The one who kept us all sane. Quatre, whose shimmering blue eyes held concern and sympathy for everyone, even his most mortal enemy. Quatre, whose smile lit the world for miles around. Quatre, the one who held my heart in the palm of his hand. Quatre, the one I was unworthy to even call friend. 

My life had been a hard one. I couldn't remember ever being happy, or even anything less than miserable. One agony after another was all I had known. After all I had done, how could I dare even associate with one as pure as Quatre, for fear of staining him with my presence. 

I felt him in the garden nearby, even though my eyes were closed. I could sense when he turned the corner in the garden and saw me sitting there. I saw, as clearly as if my eyes had been open, the look of worry and concern that crossed his face as he hesitated, then came towards me. He worries for everyone. That's who he is, and why I love him so much. 

Sometimes I would try to convince myself that he worried about me more than he did the others, but I always shook off that weak hope quickly. Quatre would go up to Treize himself with the same amount of concern if he thought something was wrong. Pain closes my throat, knowing I can never have him, but wanting him anyway. 

He is standing in front of me. I pretend not to know he is there, although every fiber in my being screams out at his presence. 

"Trowa?" his voice asks hesitantly. 

I keep my eyes firmly closed, vainly hoping he'll go away. I don't want to open my eyes. I don't want to see the golden angel I can never have. 

He doesn't leave. Instead he sits down on the bench next to me. Pain shoots throughout my body as I fight the urge to pull him to me. I want so badly to feel him in my arms, to tell him how I feel, but I stay silent, as I always do. 

"Trowa?" he repeats. 

Slowly I open my eyes and turn my head to look at him. My heart catches when I see his face. It is filled with concern for me. I remind myself that he cares for everyone, not only me. He behaves the same for Duo and Heero. Wufei always hides himself when he is in pain. Maybe it is for the same reason I avoid Quatre when I am suffering. His concern and sympathy as so strong, they can be suffocating. 

When he sees he has my attention, he smiles that dazzling smile of his, temporarily blinding me. Then concern darkens his face and it hurts me to know that it was I that put that worry there when I wish only to make him smile. "Are you alright? Is something wrong?" 

`Is something wrong?' I almost laugh out loud. "No," I think to myself, "There's nothing wrong. I'm only being tortured at the very nearness of you Quatre." I shake my head and reply out loud, "I'm fine." 

He frowns, ever so slightly. "Something is hurting you," he charges, eyes looking me over for any visible cuts or bruises from my last mission. 

I shrug. "Really, I'm fine. Just tired," I assure him, hoping he'll leave before my emotionless exterior can crack and cause me to do something stupid. 

He looks at me searchingly, staring deeply into my eyes. I get lost in the blue depths as I feel his eyes probe my very soul. I look quickly away for fear that he would see the darkness in me and turn away from me forever. As hard as it is to know I can never have him, life without him would be infinitely more painful. 

When my eyes break contact with his, he frowns again, but gives up on trying to goad me into speaking. We sit in silence a few moments, merely watching the birds in the trees. Then he speaks in his sweet, musical voice, "I worry about Duo." 

Surprised at the sudden change of subject, I turn to look at him, yet again awed by the beauty he possessed. "Why?" I manage to ask. 

"Because he's in love with Heero, and every time Heero pushes him away it drives a knife deeper into his heart. I worry that if Heero doesn't respond soon, Duo might just pine away. But the confusing thing is," he adds, again looking at me, "I know Heero cares about him too. Why can't he just let Duo know how he feels?"My mind races. Heero is in the same position as I am, only he is more fortunate. He knows Duo loves him. I have no such reassurance about Quatre's feelings. 

After sitting thoughtfully, I speak, "Maybe he considers Duo unobtainable." 

Quatre looks surprised, "But why? It's obvious he cares for him!" 

I shake my head, "That means nothing. If he doesn't think he is worthy of being near Duo, he will consider him unobtainable." 

Quatre blinks, not quite understanding. I continue, trying to make him understand, no longer talking about Heero and Duo, but my own feelings of longing. "Maybe he thinks he is too far above him. Too perfect for words, and if he touches his beautiful angel he will forever taint it because of all the horrible things he has done. So he stays away so it can remain pure and innocent for one who is worthy of its love." 

He looks at the ground, then begins gently fingering the petals of a nearby rose. Thoughtfully, he replies, "Maybe the object of perfection is tired of being placed on a pedestal. Maybe it wants to be tainted so it is no longer so pure and innocent. Maybe it thinks that it is the unworthy one." 

"But it could never be unworthy, for it is the essence of perfection!" I protest. "Which is why the lesser being loves it!" 

Quatre looks at me, "This conversation isn't about Heero and Duo anymore, is it?" 

I feel the red creeping up into my cheeks, but I could never lie to him, "No, it isn't." 

Heat soars up my side as Quatre scoots up, pressing himself against me. I bite my lip to keep from crying out. My hands clutch onto my shirt so they don't pull Quatre closer. I can feel his purity burning away the darkness of my past, my being, my very soul and I am cleansed of all the evil, merely by his touch. 

"Trowa," he whispers in my ear, "please help me off this pedestal. I'm tired of sitting up so high." 

Then all the world melts away as I finally kiss my angel, my salvation, my Quatre. 

Notes: Not my favorite couple…but… Yeah, the characters belong to the divine being who created them. (No, I don't mean me, you flatterer!) ^-^ 

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